Healing

Recently, I achieved a personal milestone in healing and self-care. Two and a half years ago, i set out on a 25,000 plus step walking expedition of Brooklyn, New York and proceeded to endure a massive blister on the bottom right big toe. My right big toe had been prone to blistering and it comes from rapidly growing callus tissue on the surface of this toe which has been a legacy of a bad private self mutilation habit I did in my childhood. My mental health therapy identified this old habit as a typical trauma response for someone with my diagnosis of childhood narcissistic abuse.

For the last two and a half years, I have engaged podiatry and wound care providers in weekly appointments to treat what became a complex ulcerated wound on this toe. The wound kept draining until recently. Throughout this time, it has taken much effort on both my providers and I, to figure out how to treat this wound. The effect of the wound has been to partially immobilize me with my doctors telling me to avoid steps and any major exercise until it closes.

The personal milestone is that after 2 1/2 years the wound finally closed a week ago and I am now cleared to do low impact exercise. Every morning, it would take me 15-20 minutes after showering with a cast protector to dress my toe properly to help healing and prevent infections. And now I don't have to use the cast protector or dress my toe other than a little iodine. I still need podiatry but this personal flat tire has been finally repaired. My general state of physical health is good and I'm comfortable in my skin.

I'm still going through recovery on the mental health side of things. My life changed so much last year and I still need some time to adjust to these changes. I have resumed therapy and working on restoring balance and happiness. One key vehicle helping my focus in these efforts is more journaling. I resumed my private diary on an almost daily basis in the last few weeks after months of neglect. Two other areas of journaling needing more of my attention is this blog and resuming the practice of journaling my musical thoughts. So I'm happy to get this post out there and I also discovered a new app for my musical thought journaling (aka "singthinking").

I still am in deep need of healing from complex trauma that has scarred my life now in three major episodes including last year. I'm still needing time to heal from this last one, through a sense of self love and care. I would love to reconnect with some of you I haven't seen in a while. I need to reconnect and rekindle connections, especially musical ones. Tonight I will go out and attend a concert. Should be fun.