Thoughts about Narcissism and Trauma.

I'm not one to share my personal judgements, but I do believe that my observations and experiences around Narcissism and the traumas that are generated around the lack of compassion and love coming from the individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are very real and present in my life.

Of course I have major concerns as the US elections approach in 5 days. The discourse is so violent. The level of demonizations and denigrations in the political arena is scarring to so many of us. What ever happened to principles like "Judge not and you will not be judged" or "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it" ?

Narcissism is an unfortunate human scourge that I only began to understand a few years ago through my mental health therapy from debilitating depression and anxiety from complex trauma in 2019 through 2021. Coming into that period, I had seen the US administration separate my first cousin, a successful stock broker, from his wife from Mexico for several months in a deportation. The current anxiety I share with millions is magnified through the awareness I've gained about Narcissism from my experience these last 5 years. What I now know is that NPD is a condition that rarely gets better and often gets worse with age. There are different types of Narcissists, but having one running for president is a recipe for national trauma on a huge scale.

I've mentioned before that I have been diagnosed with Childhood Narcissistic Abuse and Complex-PTSD and through my therapy these last few years and have learned that I was conditioned to disregard the childhood abuse I experienced. But C-PTSD is a difficult mental health wound to deal with. I'm still learning many things. I have been doing personal introspection, meditation. I'm reviewing a lot of online media about my experience, most especially a therapist named Jerry T Wise. I know that Narcissism is often a toxic element in families that can linger through generations. My unfortunate experience is that it is a toxic element that has wounded me both from the family I grew up and the family I married into.

During my in person therapy which is currently inactive since February, I was told by my therapist that history can often repeat itself in life and your relationships. Without gaining awareness through experience, one often falls into the same traps and pitfalls. I've mentioned that I'm in a quiet moment with Alphasongs because I am still separating from my former wife.. I have gained understanding about how Narcissists commonly use Karpmann drama triangulation and enablers to gang up on victims or scapegoats. What I've come to learn was I was in a similar bad situation that I had growing up except my ex was a different type of Narcissist from my mother after reviewing a lot of research. Covert Narcissism is so tricky to figure out, especially when you are vulnerable to recognize and read people in your damaged experience. But so much of the research I'ver been pursuing these last several weeks solidifies that I am emerging from another bad drama triangle and minimal love and compassion from another toxic family in my life. I really do need space and time to heal.

But one final thought on a positive note. My friend, Doug Werts, mentioned to me a couple years ago, that past trauma is often a good thing for a composer or songwriter. It gives you different frames of mind to tell stories. I know I need space and time to heal, but writing music is definitely also my way to heal. I'm getting new song ideas all the time.

Getting a new sense of self and self-love,

Matthew